Yes, I really did use that many bandaids...
Are you reading this world? Cause if so, here's what I need: I need someone to take our cat Georgie out of my house and give her a new home before I loose my mind. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, this cat and I do not get along... we rescued her from a farm when she was just a stone's throw from dying and bottle fed her back to health - you would think she'd be grateful. But she simply has it out for me - she's forever jumping out at me from behind things and sinking her claws into my leg, sitting on my chest while I'm sleeping and biting my face, etc. She loves Chris mind you - snuggles up to him any chance she can get... perhaps she thinks if she drives me out of the house she can have him all to herself. I've got to figure out a way to make her understand that there's only one Alpha female around this house and it isn't her... and I'd like to do it with as little bloodshed as possible. Clearly that won't happen today, as she's drawn some serious blood already: when the fire inspector arrived this morning I went to pick her up so she wouldn't scoot out the door and she went ballistic - claws shredding in every which direction. I've got three deep scratches on the backs of my arms and a lovely puncture wound in the palm of my hand - it made quite the impression when I answered the door holding blood-spotted paper towels on both my wrists I'm sure. "No sir, I'm no suicidal - homicidal perhaps, if that's what you call it when you want to kill a cat."
Free to a good home: one very annoying cat who hates my guts. 1 year old and in possession of claws she knows how to use. Has the potential to be used as a weapon of mass destruction, but if you get on her good side you're laughing. Must be willing to keep cat alive, as the guilt of sending her away to "the big farmhouse in the sky" is too much for our family to handle. Serious inquiries only please - if you get my hopes up and then don't take her I'll have a nervous breakdown.